Mariana Adams-Foster : Striving for Perfection
by mrk1023
Summary: Mariana is my favorite character on The Fosters. I thought it would be interesting to write a story about her developing an eating disorder. This has not happened on the show, and I think Cierra Ramirez is beautiful and not fat, it's just something I thought of and wanted to write about.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

11:30 on a Saturday in April

Mariana rolled over in her bed and looked at the clock. She loved sleeping in on the weekends. She noticed that Callie wasn't in her bed. She got up and walked to the bathroom. After she brushed her teeth she saw a scale and decided to step on.

Mariana's POV: 'I haven't weighed myself in a while, I guess I'll see'.

 _131\. '_ Hmm, I thought I was around 120 the last time I went to the doctor. It's only been a couple months, how the hell have I gained 11 pounds?'

She went over to the mirror and stared at herself. She lifter her shirt up and saw fat on her stomach and thought her arms looked too big. "That's it, I'm going on a diet."

Back in her room, she got out a notebook and wrote:

 _My diet journal_

 _starting weight: 131_

 _goal weight: 115_

Next she went on her laptop and typed: _how to lose 16 pounds_

She found healthy recipes and websites with health information. She bookmarked some pages to read later.

She got dressed and went downstairs. It was around 12 by now, but she poured herself a mug of coffee. Jesus and Jude were watching TV and eating chips. She felt her stomach pipe up since she missed breakfast. She got out a bowl and poured in some yogurt and put some strawberries and granola on top. She sat at the table and looked up pictures of skinny girls on her phone as she ate. When she finished she went upstairs and printed the pictures out and taped them in her diet journal.

A couple hours later it was time for dinner. Her moms called everyone into the kitchen and Mariana looked at the table. There was a big bowl of spaghetti and garlic bread. She took a scoop of pasta and a slice of bread and ate as slow as she could while listening to everyone around her talk. When she finished eating she went upstairs to take a shower. She stepped on the scale again to see if it had changed.

 _132\. '_ Oh my god how is that even possible, its been like 6 hours since I weighed myself. I need to try harder tomorrow.' She watched TV until she got tired and went to bed.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2:

The next day

As soon as she woke up, she went to the bathroom to weigh herself. She held her breath as she stepped on and looked down.

 _130.5_ the scale showed. She exhaled and smiled to herself. She knew she was headed in the right direction and did not want to stop anytime soon. She decided to see how much weight she could lose in 1 day. She went on a 3 mile run around the neighborhood and didn't eat until dinner. She was starving but made herself a salad instead of eating pizza like everyone else was. Her moms always ordered pizza on Sundays but Mariana knew the calories in it were too high. If she wanted to lose weight, she had to eat healthy foods only. After dinner, she took a shower then stepped on the scale. It said the same as it did that morning. She opened her diet journal and wrote her weight at the top of the page.

 _130.5_

 _ran 3 miles: burned 308 calories_

 _salad: about 300 calories._

It was becoming routine to walk to the scale right after waking up. Mariana smiled when she saw _129.0_ the next day _._ She felt amazing about losing weight and continued her diet by restricting herself to only fruits and vegetables, running at least 3 miles a day. She skipped breakfast and lunch most days at school and spent the after school period using the workout room. In a month, she was down to 120 pounds. She looked in the mirror and told herself she would lose another 10 pounds.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Her stomach and thighs looked smaller, her hair looked thinner, and she constantly had bags under her eyes. She continued her routine until summer started. Her siblings began to notice how she wouldn't eat with the family at dinner anymore, and she would exercise every morning. She thought her moms were too busy to notice she had lost weight. She stepped on the scale on the first day of July and saw _110._ She saw how her ribs were protruding and how defined her collarbone was. There was a space between her thighs and her hip bones stuck out. Callie walked in the bathroom just then and saw how thin Mariana had become. She gasped, which made Mariana look over and panic.

"Oh, Callie I didn't know you were awake, I was just-"

Callie interrupted, "Oh my GOD, Mariana! You look so _skinny_ what happened?"

"I uh… I've been on a diet." She answered.

"A diet? You look like you're starving yourself. Are you okay?"

Mariana wondered why Callie sounded so worried. "Of course I'm okay, I don't know why youre acting all weird."

"Because you look sick and I'm worried about you."

"Well you don't need to worry, everything's fine."

Callie wanted to believe Mariana but she wasn't coming downstairs for dinner anymore so she told her moms that she was concerned about her. They looked at Callie with sadness in their eyes and responded, "We are too, love."


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Callie's POV

"I didn't even realize she was losing weight, I feel like such a terrible sister." I told my moms.

"No you're not Callie, I think she's been hiding it pretty well. I hadn't really noticed either." Stef replied.

"Me neither, and you obviously care about her." Lena added.

"Of course, I love her and I hate to see that she's been hurting herself."

Stef nodded and said, "Well we're gonna talk to her tonight after dinner, would you like to be there too? Maybe she would appreciate if you expressed your concern to her."

"Yeah, I want to be there for her." I said.

Mariana skipped dinner again tonight, so when the rest of us finished eating, my mom asked me if I would go up to mine and Mariana's room and bring her downstairs with me.

I walked in our room and said, "Hey, can you come downstairs for a sec, Moms want to talk to you." Mariana had been painting her nails and listening to music, but she got up and followed me downstairs.

Mariana tried to act calm but I could tell she was nervous. "So, what's up?" She asked.

Stef started by saying "Well, we noticed you haven't eaten dinner with the family the past few nights." Lena added, "You've also been working out everyday for weeks."

I said, "And I told moms about what happened in our bathroom. I'm really worried about what you've been doing to yourself."

Mariana immediately got defensive. "What's wrong with taking care of myself. I'm getting in shape, how is that a problem?"

"Well honey, youre not 'in shape', you look sick. Skipping meals is not taking care of your body." Stef said. Lena agreed with her wife and said "You've lost a lot of weight in just a few months, it's dangerous. We all care about you so much, so I've made an appointment for you with a therapist and a nutritionist."

"A therapist? I don't have a problem, why are you making me do this?" Mariana questioned.

"Because we think you need help." I answered.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5: Mariana's POV

I only agreed to go to the therapist because I didn't want to make my moms mad. I felt nervous when I first sat in her office, but after a couple minutes, I realized that she seemed nice. Dr. Morris asked me when I started starving myself, and I had to think for a couple seconds before I explained, "It started with eating healthy but then I liked how I felt about myself when I ate less. It's like, when I skip a meal I feel like I'm floating. I don't know, it- it sounds crazy…" I trailed off.

"You don't sound crazy. That's what many of my patients have said. Restricting food gives you the feeling of being in control, right?"

"Yeah."

"So I can help you find healthy ways to feel good about yourself."

She handed me a slip that said:

 _Patient name and age:_ _Mariana Adams-Foster, 16_

 _Today's diagnosis:_ _Anorexia nervosa_

 _Next appointment_ _Monday, July 8_


	6. Chapter 6

(No POV)

At Mariana's next appointment with Dr. Morris, she asked her to step on the scale in her office.

"106. You've lost 4 pounds since last week. What have your eating patterns have been like?"

"Well, yesterday I skipped lunch because I was mad at Jesus but other than that I've been eating something for every meal like you asked me to."

"That's great that you've been trying. How is your relationship with your twin brother?"

"Usually good. We get along most of the time but he's been on my nerves about this whole therapy/recovery thing… I think he things I'm trying to kill myself or something."

"Would you agree that you use food as a way to cope with feeling angry?"

"Yeah, I guess. I think, 'it will be okay if I don't eat the rest of the day' but then I feel guilty because I know you want me to eat more regularly."

"What do you want, Mariana?"

"I want to be skinny. I want to look in the mirror and not hate myself."

"You are skinny. Since you've been starving yourself, if you lose any more weight your body will burn muscle because you're not giving it the fuel you need to survive. Food is fuel, it gives us life and energy."

Mariana sighed and replied, "I know. But I just don't want to stop."

Dr. Morris nodded her head and said, "We'll keep working on it. For now, can you promise me that you will try to eat at least 3 times a day?"

"I'll try."

When Mariana got home from her appointment, she went into her bedroom and sat on her bed. Jesus came in a minute later.

"So how was your appointment?" he asked her.

She rolled her eyes and replied, "Fine. Not that you actually care."

"Mariana, are you freaking kidding me? Of course I care. Why else would I ask?"

"You're always too busy to pay attention to me anyways." Mariana looked down at her lap. Jesus walked over and sat next to her.

"I love you. Nothing is ever gonna change that. I'm sorry I've been busy lately. But I have noticed you becoming more distant. I just want you to be happy. And healthy." Mariana teared up a little; she and Jesus hadn't been talking as much as they usually do. They hugged and she smiled. Maybe recovery wouldn't be so bad. Her brother was there to support her and that made her feel like she could do anything.


End file.
